Ok, so from the title you're probably thinking that I dislike children. Actually, I really don't have a problem with children coming over to play at my house. I really love these adorable, loud, sometimes smelly, runny nosed little human beings (I'm serious, really I do). I want my son to have friends and be sociable. However (that's a big HOWEVER), I do have 10 reasons why YOUR child can't over to my house to play.
1.) First and foremost, because I'm not your damn free babysitter!
There's a BIG difference between kids coming over to play and parents bringing their kids over to "play" a.k.a. free daycare. I really could care the least that you are running to the store for an hour or only 20 minutes! Do I have "Idiot written across my forehead?" If I can take my kid to the store and deal with tantrums, or asking to buy everything he see's, well then, honey so can you. It's called sucking it up buttercup!
2.) Because I saw on your Facebook that your child was puking like the Exorcist yesterday!
This one seriously makes me angry because it's sooooooo inconsiderate and ignorant. Did you think I didn't read your Facebook post lol. For one, I've had emetophobia (the fear of vomit) since I was a child. I can barely clean up my own son's vomit, led alone someone else's. What makes you think that I like having your child spreading their germs all over my son, myself, or all over my house. Never mind, I know the answer; because you don't care and you had to get your nails done. Not a chance in hell, nice try though!
3.) Because I'm not a search engine!
Little kids are curious, their little brains are like sponges and I'm totally cool with that. My biggest pet peeve though, when you have a little kid over to play, but instead of playing, they're glued to your derriere and questioning every move you make. I'm not spending my day answering 1001 questions (half of them being repeat questions). Sorry, I'm not a game show contestant!
4.) Because regardless of what you say, your kid is NOT fully potty trained!
5.) Because I'm pretty sure your kid's a vampire.
Why is it that the same kid's I always see playing outside day after day, insist on playing inside my house when they come over? Am I missing something here?
6.) Because your child feels my rules don't apply to them.
I understand that kids will be kids. Me: "Johnny please stop jumping on my couch, do you jump on the couches at home?" Johnny: "No, I'm not allowed to jump on the couches at home." Two minutes go by....Little Johnny's jumping on my damn couch again! Just in case you didn't know little Johnny, my house isn't a playground, go jump on your mother's couch!
7.) Because your kid's a dirty little liar, a tattle tale, and won't keep his hands to himself!
Again, I get it, kids will be kids...but let's be serious for a minute, I have eyes and ears. You know that little kid that comes running to tell you that your kid won't hand over his favorite toy every five minutes? Then you have those kids that you constantly catch pushing, shoving, pinching, and hitting, but try to act like their just being playful.
8.) Because your kid's like a Garbage Pail Kid, remember the collectible cards from the 80's?
It's simple, you take something out, you put it back when you're done. It doesn't mean take out every single toy in my house and then leave with your mother who didn't even blink an eye (yeah, I'm on to you mom...I know you saw that my house was clean when you dropped your kid off).
9.) Because you never taught your kid manners and now they're an asshole just like you.
When did parents stop teaching their kid's to take off their shoes when they enter someone's home. Better yet, why am I having to teach your kid to wash their hands!? Let me guess, you don't wash your hands after you make dookie either, do you? Yeah, that's what I thought!